The Aches And Pains Of Being A Slow Reader

I recently read a post by the Great And All Powerful Cait, over on her blog Paper Fury, about the " Dire Agonies of Being A Fast Rea...

I recently read a post by the Great And All Powerful Cait, over on her blog Paper Fury, about the "Dire Agonies of Being A Fast Reader". What the heckie is THAT?? I am not a fast reader. At all. I sit down to read a book and next thing I know IT'S BEEN AGES! THE APOCALYPSE HAS COME AND GONE! ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE HAS TAKEN CONTROL OVER THE WHITE HOUSE, and I've turned into Rip Van Winkle! 

Point is, I'm a slow as molasses on a winter morning reader (pulled that one out of my mom's book of quotes). I can't be the ONLY one who feels so overwhelmed by reading, and like I've fallen behind?? AM I THE ONLY BOOKISH SLUG OUT THERE??

I've compiled a list of common Slow Reader probs and leT ME TELL YOU WHAT! These problems are real, and they are a total drag on the bookish hobbyist. If you relate to any of these, then you my friend, might have a touch of the cursed Slug Readeritus.


You finally finish one book and ten thousand more are published
So you're toodling along, loving life, absorbing fictional worlds, and suddenly, you see a book you might be interested in! You grab it, read it. You look up... and three more books have sprouted in the place from where you grabbed the other book. THEN TEN MORE ARE IN THE PILE OF INTERESTING BOOKS TO READ! THEN 70! THEN 4052! NEXT THING YOU KNOW

Books are published so quickly there's just no keeping up! THE BOOKISH WORLD HAS BECOME REAL LIFE HYDRA!


You rent five books from the library and have to return four because it took you two weeks to read only one of them
I do this all the time. I walk into the library like I'm Bing Bong from Inside Out! *STARRY EYES OF THE INNOCENT* "Ooo, I'll take youuu, and youuu, but not you or you... OH WHO AM I KIDDING I'LL TAKE YOU ALL!"
It's only five books! I have them for a month! I totes got this, right? ...more times than not I only managed to read one of the books.

I wanted to read them...but I just couldn't get there in time :(
I wish I could cry tears of candy.

People want you to hurry up and read their favorite books, but you're still stuck trying to get through the books that you already own or have borrowed from the library
"READ THIS!" "READ THIS!" THEY ALL CHANT! You want to partake in the fangirling, but you're desperately trying to hurry it up and read this other book first! AND IT'S NOT LIKE YOU DON'T HAVE TIME! YOU'RE JUST TOO SLOW!

Starting a spooky book October 1st so you can review it for Halloween and not finishing it until late November 
Okay I'm doing this NOW! I'M STILL READING SLASHER GIRLS AND MONSTER BOYS! I thought SURELY I could finish that in a month but nooooo i'm just barely 3/4ths through the book. All my Halloween reads will be reviewed in Christmas, and February will be a holly jolly time. You'll feel the valentines love somewhere around the April Showers, folks!


The inability to fangirl with others about books that have been out for years or months

THE RAVEN CYCLE (although I did consume The Raven Boys like a BOSS)! THE MORTAL INSTRUMENTS! CASTER CHRONICLES! THE INFERNAL DEVICES! DAUGHTER OF SMOKE AND BONE! THE SELECTION! THE LUNAR CHRONICLES! LEGEND! VAMPIRE ACADEMY! THRONE OF GLASS! 

I can't fangirl with you guys over these books, or new books coming out in a favorite series BECAUSE I HAVEN'T READ THEM YET! I'M STILL TRYING TO CATCH UP! And then new books are added to the pile! I can't fangirl with readers because I have to read the new stuff to stay relevant, but I have to read the old stuff to be relateable??? Do you know how overwhelming that is??

*SJ has a true and real breakdown due to Reader's Stress*


Battling off spoilers like a boss
Okay so being behind on reading means YOU HAVE TO BATTLE THE WORLD OF SPOILERS! MEANING YOU HAVE TO AVOID BLOGS AND CHATS ABOUT WHAT YOU HAVEN'T READ YET! Everyone's screaming about the latest read, and dropping character names to past stories in a series and you're liKE HOLD ON I DIDN'T KNOW THAT CHARACTER HAD A DIFFERENT NAME?? but you become a pro at it. This is your life. You are a strong, capable warrior with blinders on to all the spoilers. You retain your innocence like a Victorian Lady holding on with an iron like grip to her parasol!

*battle screech* YOU WILL NOT SPOIL MEEEEEH

Unfortunately you do end up being spoiled on many books because you took too long 
One of the biggest sorrows of being a slow reader (especially for us folks who were OLD when we read Harry Potter!) is that everyone just assumes you've already read the book. A common phrase we hear is "you should know what happens by now"... well we DIDN'T but thanks soooo so much *rolls eyes* for informing us. 

JUST BECAUSE WE ARE LATE TO THE PARTY DOES NOT MEAN WE CAN'T SHARE IN THE MAGIC OF READING A BOOK FRESH! 

DON'T SPOIL THE MAGIC FOR US! 


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I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU BUT I GOT REALLY WORKED UP WRITING THIS POST! I cried. I angried. Really feeling the slow reader pride right about now! 

Let's form a club and be decades behind the crowd. We'll be the reverse-hipsters.

"...I read the book AFTER it was cool!"

Who else out there is a slow reader? Did I leave any issues out? Do you have any tips on how to cure your Slug Readeritus?

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